I've just checked into my fourth hotel in the last two weeks and have finally decided to put the list I've been compiling in my head out there on the Intertubes. What is it with bathrooms that make hotel designers and managers go completely off the rails? Bathrooms are so easy: You need your basic plumbing fixtures, a countertop, some towels and products, and a couple of well-placed light bulbs. Add hot water, and voilà! But no, they have to make it all clever and complicated... and therefore NOT FUNCTIONAL. Herewith, the six most annoying things about hotel bathrooms that I can think of right now. I'm sure there are more, but I'm too irritated to contemplate them.
6. Tiny Bottles. Yes, they're horrible for the environment, but they're also just a pain in the neck. I want to be able to squeeze more than two blobs of shampoo (or conditioner, or body lotion) out of a bottle before it's empty. See picture of actual shampoo bottle that I've just nearly used up after one shower. And I don't have a lot of hair. (Grape provided for reference.)
5. Odd Number of Towels. If it's just me in the room, I'll probably shower twice over a 24-hour period. If there's two of us, we'll probably both shower twice. That equals either two towels or four towels. So why the hell are there three of them hanging there on the rack? Which brings us to...
4. Towel Bars in the Shower: This is an easy one: Shower = wet. Towels = dry. Please don't make me mix them together.
3. Toilet Phones Next to the Toilet. Twenty years ago, before everyone had cell phones, having an extension next to the toilet was probably considered the height of hotel luxury. Now the sight of one just makes me feel like dousing myself in Purell. Please get rid of it!
2. The Sloppy Shower. What is up with glass shower enclosures that don't actually close but have a big open gap instead of a door, like the one at left? They are trying to say "Look – I'm so chic, so daring!"? What they are really saying: "I'm all wet." And so are the floor, the bath mat, my feet, etc.
And the Single Most Annoying Thing About Hotel Bathrooms...
1. Peekaboo Showers. You know what these are—bathrooms or tubs or shower stalls with a "window" overlooking the rest of the room and vice-versa. They've been a huge trend in hotel design for the past few years and I've seen them everywhere from trendy places (the W Washington DC) to grande dames (the Plaza Athénée in Paris). You know what? I don't need the hotel's help to make me feel like sexytime. It doesn't matter whether I'm sharing the room with my significant other, or my mom, or my buddy, or my coworker: Letting someone else watch you shower is just plain creepy and about as titillating as a Magic Fingers bed. Letting them watch you do whatever other business you need to take care of in there is just plain gross.